Qt3’s Woodlance said: “Tom reviewed Resident Evil Requiem and gave it a measly one star. But can you really trust Tom? That young firebrand accused Resident Evil 7 of “transpacific awkwardness”. I’m still not quite sure what it means, but I assume some people at Capcom were devastated.

Accordingly, I have been mandated by the Qt3 Department of Fairness to give the game a second opinion. First of all, you should know that I am a true fan of the series. I even have the figurines (don’t ask). I had an official fan club number too, but it turns out the whole thing is a way to nag you into giving the games free promotion on social media, so screw that. If you’re wondering about my journalistic integrity, well, the joke’s on you, I’m not a journalist and I have no integrity.

So what does a true fan think of Resident Evil Requiem?

I’ll tell you what a true fan thinks. I think… it was okay, I guess.”